Meet my baby, Carrie.

She is a round red bouncy-ball that Kate and I purchased from Toys 'R' Us on Saturday. We drew a face on her and named her (it's Carrie Cherrycakes, then our combined surnames) and now we have joint custody of her. As we speak (ahem, I write), she sits on the desk, looking up with that adorable sultry expression of hers. If she looks like this as a child, she is going to have to be either a supermodel or a porn star when she grows up.

Anyway, she's wearing my glasses and looks odd, because her left eye is SUPER MAGNIFIED! because I'm blind on the left side. Which is bad anyway because her left eye is bigger than the right anyway, haha.

Typing this because my Rift download failed so many times that it took my entire seven-day trial just to download it, and now I have to buy it off Steam. :B

Well, that's all. Maybe pictures of Carrie and her two mommies later :)

I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love

and I'm like FUCK YOU, LADY AT THE PET SHOP. FUCK YOU.

Yes, it seems that my intuition was correct and the woman at the pet store when we first bought the rabbits was completely INcorrect. She told me Fiona (Finn?) was a girl, and now I have a pregnant rabbit. Thanks a lot, you stupid girl. Thanks a LOT.

On another note, does anyone want rabbit babies?

I might be jumping the gun here, but I'm pretty sure that when a mammal is getting fat and has nipples showing, that means babies. Going to see the vet soon, and going to never trust a pet store employee again. Dear karma, I've learned my lesson: learn how to sex rabbits and then sex them yourself. At least then it's MY fault.

I'm just... SO ANGRY right now. Angry enough that I'm not going to do any more than mention my illness, how I had to have blood drawn this morning, how finals are encroaching evilly, how my Rift download and my Mass Effect 2 download fucked up and now I have to start ALL OVER, or how I figured out how to draw rabbits. I am just so ANGRY.

_{You know what's good for anger management? Guitar Hero. Man, I am gonna go wreck that shit up.}

YAY: Rift LPs, homework (yay?!) and tech

Gonna download the week-long free trial of Rift, then stream it on my usteam channel (look me up :D "MMORPGs with Skee :o", and my username is scenis) and record it and put it on Youtube, finally do some let's plays, you know... I'm just... in a good mood.

Now, let's see what happens when I open my homework agenda...

...

WHOA. No homework. That always happens when I think I have a lot... (and vice versa, which is bad).

Shit... 54 more hours on the Rift updates. Ugghhhhhhhhhh.

Maybe I'll try The Path?!

...

Ugh, never mind. I keep forgetting the (in my humble opinion) outdated graphics.

I need a new indie game :o This is horrible.

NYAN

FUCK YEAH NYAN CAT.

Angry pt. 2

Unrelated note to pt. 1:

When I think bad things lately, such as

Maybe my best friend is romantically interested in me... I should reciprocate.

or

I don't like this person, and they've really hurt me in the past... I should "lose" these important papers of theirs.

or

I'll never get a straight A in all of these classes. I should stop trying now - finals will be a breeze.

or

I'm not terribly pretty, so maybe it doesn't matter if I brush my hair and take a shower today.
When I leave the room, everyone looks at each other and snickers.
No one really cares what I say.
It doesn't matter if I eat badly - it's not like I ever gain any weight.
I don't have to clean the pet cage today, even though it stinks pretty bad and the pets are unhappy.
My friends don't truly care about me - they just don't want to have to make new friends.
All of life is politics, and I'll never fit in anywhere.
It is physically impossible to desire me - I am undesirable.
I take things far too seriously.
I take things far too lightly.
Everything I've done is going to bite me in the ass when karma finds me.
My family doesn't like it when I talk.
There's nobody who can truly help me.

Then I slap myself, because I have to stop thinking those things if I want to be happy.

I am declining. My mood is like a roller-coaster that I'm driving, and sometimes I can make it slow down, if I try really hard. But there's still only one track, and the only way off it is to turn the thing into the empty air and hope I land right. So all I can do is clutch the bars as we go down those huge dips, and convince myself that there's another hill upwards just around the bend. In the meantime, my mind is in a shit condition, and everything is really hard to deal with. When I last visited my social worker for psychological therapy, she caught me on a "happy" day. So we talked about how I was managing. We talked about how physical activity would help, how eating right and sleeping well would help, how my friends could help, how I dealt with school and people.

I think I'm afraid of people. I don't want to face their rejection, and I don't want to face their approval, because I know I can lose it. Sometimes it surprises me when people that I consider only the vaguest of acquaintances call me a friend. I don't make "friends" easily. In fact, I would consider myself almost friendless, with one, maybe two friends that I really trust with myself. And the others, I am constantly suspicious of. Is she thinking I shouldn't be sitting here with them? Is he secretly angry at me for infringing on some strange friendship-related "rule"? And the worst part is that I can't help it. I need help. I need to beat my head into the table and feel someone tell me that I am right.

Angry

Because things don't go my way. Because people like looking down their nose at me. Because this is literally a game, and the more I get mad because of a game, the more angry I get at myself.

Because games aren't supposed to be taken seriously. There's supposed to be no real loss, besides time. There's supposed to be a fun way to come back, to play again. Loss shouldn't equal permanent loss. Loss should be fun, a "try again next time." Not a "now I can't allow you to play because you're a jerk, I misunderstood your instructions, I didn't do what you wanted me to do, and I won't take it back because you're being a bitch."

My overreactions do not mean you need to look down your nose at me. I fixed it, didn't I?

This is like tabletop RPGs, where the admin says "Rocks fall everyone dies." Except it's really just, "rocks fall, you die and everyone else picks all of your stuff off of your slowly chilling body."

Except this isn't a tabletop RPG.

I don't even know. This is complicated and difficult to explain.

Think of it as long-term Risk, where your country is a pet that you love fervently. And then someone kills it.

Actually, never mind, because this is too hard to explain without loads of backstory.

I AM RESOLVED FOR THIS TO BE A GOOD DAY, SO I WILL APPEASE MYSELF WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I GET TO WATCH TV NOW THAT I'M DONE WITH MY ARTS HOMEWORK. Even if nothing good is on...

stop it stop it stop it no negative thoughts shut up stop it stop it stop it

Testimonials

For Skechers Shape-ups:

"I have never found more comfortable shoes than Shape-ups. I can feel the burn in my legs and buttocks almost immediately." -Monica, Wyoming

Do people even actually read these things?