Jessica, 15, Female, Confused
Beliefs:
What does normal mean to you?
When most people think normal, they think "average." As far as I'm concerned, I have no problem with that definition. Being normal isn't something you should strive to be, but it's not something you should strive to get away from, either. You are who you are.
Do you believe sexuality can be fluid?Definitely. I know that personally I can't really put a label on my own sexuality, past "having one," because it changes. Sometimes from moment to moment, and sometimes over the course of years. And that's okay, because the only reason sexuality isn't considered fluid is because most people speak English, and we need words to describe ourselves, and that means labels, which aren't necessarily a bad thing but aren't necessarily a good thing either.
What does sex mean to you?Sex is an intimate act between two (or more) people. To me... I don't know. I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't love, or at least know very well. That might be how I was raised, or it might be my sexuality. I don't know.
How do you feel about labels?Labels are just words. Like I said earlier, they aren't inherently good or bad. We need ways to describe ourselves, because we can't just transmit our thoughts to each other's brains. Until technology goes that far, labels are a deeply rooted part of our culture and language. I don't have a problem with that, except that I can't find a label to describe myself, so I can't explain myself very well. I'm "Jessicasexual:" a certain set of criteria that apply only to me.
Identity:How would you describe your sexuality?Confused. I don't know. The closest, I would say, is pansexual. I can be attracted to both boys and girls. But with men, I am attracted to them physically, and then warm to their personality, and with women, I'm attracted to them emotionally, and warm to them sexually. There's a psychological theory that we are taught our sexual identities in the womb based on a pheromone that you're given as a fetus: if you're given estrogen, you're attracted to girls, and if you're given testosterone, you're attracted to guys. I'd say that I'm "supposed" to be attracted to guys, because my biological urges make me look at guys first. But if I know a girl, and like her, sometimes I just start seeing her in a different light. I can't help it. And as for transgenders, intergenders, genderqueers, etc., it's all about the personality with me, and I can develop a physical attraction, much like I would with a girl.
Do you feel like you were born with a sexual identity?Yes. I don't disagree with the psychological theory I was talking about earlier. But I also think that there are other factors, because based on that theory bisexuality can't exist. I don't believe that, not at all.
How long have you been aware about your sexuality/sexual feelings? Have they ever changed?I've become confused only very recently. For the longest time, I thought that I was straight. But every now and then, sometimes with my best friends, I'd get crushes on girls. This was, I'd guess, somewhere way back in elementary, when everyone gets crushes but they aren't sure what that even means or how to act on it. And then, recently, I began to take mental notes on when and how I was attracted to someone, either sexually or romantically, and as the scientists would say, the results have been inconclusive.
Are you emotionally attracted to a gender different from the one you’re physically attracted to?I'm emotionally attracted to any and all genders. It's just the order of emotional and sexual attraction that's confusing.
Environment:Do you feel accepted in the community you live in? If not, do you see this changing in the future?Absolutely. I go to a high school where there's an honor code and a general environment of acceptance that basically says, you accept everyone for who they are. My parents have always accepted me and done their research on anything I was or believed or declared myself to be. The rest of my family doesn't need to know, because it'd start up unnecessary drama, and that's okay, because people don't advertise that they're straight to their extended family either. Whenever my friends and I talked about something related to sexuality, I always said things like, "Well, assuming I'm straight, then..." or "If I were to end up a lesbian, I'd..." and I don't think they understand it, but they certainly don't beat me down for it.
Did you have an experience as a child that made you feel like you didn’t fit in?
Growing up, did you feel pressure to stick to certain gender roles?
Can you talk to your parents about your sexual orientation?
Was sex talked about in your household?
Has religion had a positive or negative effect on how you came to terms with your sexual orientation?
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