Skinny Jeans

What is it about skinny jeans?

Seriously, the very concept of skinny jeans has been nagging at me for years. For starters, I can't fit in them. I have... curves. I'm not fat, I'm just not a skinny, sticklike bitch of a tiny girl, and so I have hips, and boobs, and whatever else comes with that. But it's definitely not encouraging when I see everyone and their mother(s) wearing them. And then when you hear, "Skinny jeans are not for fat people. (laugh)" or "God, she was just too wide for skinnies! (rolls eyes)" on a daily basis. And then when you're the only person who can't pull them off.

But I found them today. The perfect skinnies for me. Why did they fit? Were they just not truly skinnies at all, and they deceived me? Were they intended for me and me alone, and I hadn't found them soon enough, and that's how they made their way to the (otherwise lackluster) clearance rack?

I'd like to think that someone, somewhere, in a factory in China or wherever the most minimal minimum wage is nowadays - had a psychic epiphany about me. They saw a curvy brunette looking sad in the most unimportant city in America and typing up a rant or a story or a journal entry or playing Pokemon or watching Juno or whatever other random thing I was doing that made me look sad, and said, "My God, she looks miserable. She needs some skinny jeans right this moment," and stopped all the presses (or whatever) and made them make the single pair of skinny jeans - just the right size of pockets, just the right color, just the right size, comfortable and flexible and also at least vaguely attractive for once - and shipped them here and the three Fates wound me to that shop on a spool.

Thank you, otherwise-damned mainstream chain stores and their suppliers. This brightens my week considerably.