As promised, a brief rant. Because it'll make me feel like I'm right. And apparently, that's the thrill everyone's after nowadays.
Have you ever met one of those people who just absolutely had to be right? They couldn't just defer - they just constantly pick arguments about things that don't matter, like how I shouldn't say that I'm just using intuition to do this grammar worksheet because pretty much everyone in the class does the same thing and it sounded like I was implying that I was special, or perhaps Even though it goes against my personal moral code, I'm totally listening to a conversation I promised not to listen to, so would I please step ten feet back so that you can talk about things that don't matter with my best friend, with whom I'd just like to spend a little time with? Or... well, you get it.
Geez. I just want to hit him sometimes. It's the arguments - the constant arguments about things that don't matter. God, we used to be best friends, and now he's so fucking right all of the time. I'm going to call it rightallthetimeitis. Or maybe just use my Latin roots. It's just headitis - he's gotten all inflated over himself and now he's got a big head. Which I'd desperately love to knock off.
It's stuff like this that I get angry about and stress over and has me going back to a therapist I haven't seen in a year. Geez.
But back to the point - there's one argument we have over and over again. Over and over. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, and I think he's being utterly stupid. He thinks I'm not using any semblance of logic at all and I think... well, he's being utterly stupid.
Here's the lowdown: after a long, multiple-year slog through multiple religions, he has apparently now settled on hardcore atheism.
No, no, I have nothing against atheists or atheism. I was once a heavy agnostic, then an atheist for a solid year, before finding a religion that made some sense to me. But...
It just seems to me that he is using Atheism as a label for his Headitis. You can lather a pig in lavender soap and rub it down with the softest and most wonderful lotions before giving it a delicate bath in the most perfect and serene of hot springs... But it's still a pig, and you're still going to send it to the slaughter.
My reasoning behind this - 1: "The whole point of atheism is that religion is stupid." Quote and end quote. While he may believe this - and I'd have no problem with that, if he weren't so forceful about everyone else believing it too - that is not the whole point of atheism. I was an atheist once. I never thought religion was stupid. I know its psychological significance and what it can do for a person. I know how it can give someone hope or comfort or even - and forgive the cliche - solace. I have had and have atheist friends other than him. One, in particular, was my best friend for several years - the years in which I found my current religion. She heard me out, gave her opinions. I know, from experience, that atheism does not, necessarily, recognize that all religion is stupid.
2: His arguments for atheism. Whenever he gets the chance, he makes fun of organized Christianity, in particular. Sure, it'll sound joking, just for fun, the works. But I know him. I've known him for... what? upwards of five years? And he's so bad at his "jokes" and trying to make them seem both antagonizing and humorous. It's only funny to him. Consider the audience in this scene: me, a friend (who at first he assumed would take his side in the ensuing argument) whom he has known for upwards of two years is an eclectic pagan; a Methodist girl who dislikes him; a Catholic, conservative boy who on-and-off likes him; a Muslim boy who is incredibly devout, as far as I'm aware. He purposefully seeks us out and brings these jokes to us, trying to make off like it's funny. It's not.
He always, always "beats" me (and note the quotes) in these arguments. Simply because it gets to the point where I start to think it's all pointless and give up and, presumably, he thinks he's won some sort of mental trophy. Well, I call bullshit.
Usually, the "debate" (and that's in quotes because the word debate implies that both sides are willing to listen to the other's opinion) ends with something along the following lines -
Me: Look, you can't use your oh-so-logical arguments to convince a devout Christian that their faith is stupid and that they should drop it like a hot rock and convert to atheism and instantly believe you because you prevent a few arguments.
Him: Yes, I can, because logically, religion doesn't exist.
Me: Logically, no, but the whole concept of religion is that you believe in something without proof. That's why it's called faith. Say you're right, and there is no god or life force or whatever out there. We have no way of knowing. But no matter how many logical arguments you present, they will never work, because logic operates on a different level than faith. It's apples and oranges.
Him: But there is no proof that any god exists! God is a delusion... do you really want to live under a delusion?
Me: If it makes me happy and gives me a sense of acceptance and contentment? Fuck yes.
Him: (I'll admit, actually, that at this point it usually goes down into stupid stuff that I can't even remember - presumably because it usually makes me mad, no matter what argument he uses, and I get the Red Tint of Anger and things go a tad hazy.)
It pissed him off that, originally, when this first started happening, I didn't take his side in that little group I described before. He turned to a boy, said, "But logically, that doesn't make sense. I mean, Inky just said -"
I stopped him cold. I said, "Don't drag me onto your side. I may not be Christian but you seem to have forgotten that I do, in fact, believe in a god."
I don't know. Something about him and his damnable "logic" just anger me in a way that African poverty never could or will. If he's so logical then why can't he deduce that no one besides him is ever going to believe exactly as he does, and he needs to get over his own head, then pull it out of his ass, then put his fucking pants back on and get on with his life?
I feel old for my age, sometimes. And then there are times like these, where I don't.
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